if there is one feeling i have that upsets me the worst is the feeling of being behind.......i don't know why it bothers me so bad but it does.
being behind for some people is a normal everyday occurrence but for me if puts me in a very unhappy place.
when i have that feeling of being behind it effects me in ways i wonder if anybody else sees through my actions, my personality or lack there of.
being behind reminds me that we will never be able to take a vacation without having to come back to a mess, it reminds me that i can't take days off without dreading them later, it reminds me of all the exercise classes i missed, it reminds me of all the moments that i missed with the kids, family,friends, and my husband, of all the suppers i never got to cook or the pleasure of just sitting outside and enjoying the peace of home because of feeling the need to go to the office to get a head start. going to the office and getting a head start doesn't seem to matter cause i still at the end of the week always feel behind.
i wish i didn't always have the feeling of being behind cause then maybe i could get some stuff done at my house. i hate a dirty house, piled up laundry, and to be unorganized, but that is how i feel. i feel lazy and that i am not. i like to mow, clean, do laundry. when all these things are done i feel great inside and for the past few months the main feelings i have is being behind on everything.
i'm not unhappy with my family, friends, job, or life. i just feel like not matter how hard i work i am not getting anywhere.
maybe i'm getting burnt out at the office, but i know everybody relies on me to put things done. i just need time with my family away from the office, so they can't call every 5 seconds cause someone needs something. just one day for someone to say (today is family day). i can bet everything i have this is never gonna happen. but sometimes i wish it would for me.......